i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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