Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
