Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
