Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
