she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
