with your own penis?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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