i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
