Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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