I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
