Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
