they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
