You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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