This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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