Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
