If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I wish there were birth control emojis
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
