She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
