apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i drank out of a bidet.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
