i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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