They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
