smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
