ADVERTISEMENT

• (678): View more from Georgia

  He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."

  Fav 6 2993 1164

  share tweet
  

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.

  Fav 29 6804 1086

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (440): View more from Ohio

  i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth

  (330): View more from Ohio

  well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth

  Fav 25 5322 892

  share tweet
  

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.

  Fav 33 4786 1835

  share tweet
  
• 

  27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (315): View more from New York

  He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.

  Fav 18 5441 828

  share tweet
  

• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.

  Fav 58 3313 756

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (646): View more from New York

  Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?

  Fav 154 12216 2522

  share tweet
  

• (650): View more from California

  Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th

  Fav 16 2467 4783

  share tweet
  

• (519): View more from Ontario

  she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems

  Fav 13 3805 1075

  share tweet
  
• 

  19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (812): View more from Indiana

  whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"

  Fav 1 1292 719

  share tweet
  

• (360): View more from Washington

  She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.

  Fav 7 650 1051

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (831): View more from California

  Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.

  Fav 6 788 671

  share tweet
  

• (727): View more from Florida

  Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.

  Fav 5 1034 524

  share tweet
  

• (530): View more from California

  I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other

  Fav 1 966 427

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (320): View more from Minnesota

  The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.

  Fav 2 1039 395

  share tweet
  

Randomize