I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i think my cat just said my name.