If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...