It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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