I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me