sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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