i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask