Texts From Last Night

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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.

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  (519): Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me. http://tfl.nu/7rdg
  Replies (12) Good night (3433) Bad night (829)
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  (760): View more from California

  What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?

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  (760): What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch? http://tfl.nu/c2lm
  Replies (30) Good night (5324) Bad night (738)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.

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  (586): just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me. http://tfl.nu/oae8
  Replies (26) Good night (8769) Bad night (770)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"

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  (201): I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad" http://tfl.nu/8w1c
  Replies (13) Good night (4668) Bad night (1281)
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  (631): View more from New York

  You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles

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  (631): You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles http://tfl.nu/nfjp
  Replies (12) Good night (2539) Bad night (669)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?

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  (814): How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed? http://tfl.nu/yb44
  Replies (8) Good night (2627) Bad night (566)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace

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  (519): This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace http://tfl.nu/d3z0
  Replies (5) Good night (536) Bad night (1273)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm off the liquor

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick

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  (403): I'm off the liquor (1-403): You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick http://tfl.nu/sglp
  Replies (7) Good night (1979) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.

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  (561): There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow. http://tfl.nu/9y2p
  Replies (5) Good night (1931) Bad night (591)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.

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  (913): Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon. http://tfl.nu/apie
  Replies (7) Good night (533) Bad night (991)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?

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  (716): Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog? http://tfl.nu/399r
  Replies (5) Good night (768) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.

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  (210): I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float. http://tfl.nu/rjkn
  Replies (4) Good night (1013) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.

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  (516): I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch. http://tfl.nu/npbk
  Replies (1) Good night (451) Bad night (230)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.

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  (717): She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious. http://tfl.nu/pknw
  Replies (1) Good night (426) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old

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  (713): haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old http://tfl.nu/ipmn
  Replies (1) Good night (237) Bad night (206)

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