I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.