She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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