ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend