kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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