Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
