Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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