she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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