so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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