Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
