Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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