tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also, beer. Big fan.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
