I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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