i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
