Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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