Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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