No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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