its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
