everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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