she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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