why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
