i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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