I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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