Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
