Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
