Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
