new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
