You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
