i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
