how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
