How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
