1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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