and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
