She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
