My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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