I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
