just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
