why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
