I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
