I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I cannot find my penis.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
