My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
