so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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