I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
