I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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